If someone would like to write my philosophy paper for me that would be really great. Or my history paper. Or my English paper. Or study for my psych test. Which are all happening within like three days of each other and way too soon.
This one’s called I Was So Stressed All Month That All I Listened To Was Songs I Used To Be Obsessed With In Middle School And Totally Forgot Existed. There was quite a lot of BOY and No Doubt and Candypants that didn’t make the cut because they definitely would’ve made this playlist even more embarrassing than it already is—and the first song is a Spongebob reference, so that’s a pretty high bar.
February began with the ghost of Emily Dickinson stabbing me in the heart with an envelope. I think she was trying to tell me something, possibly to warn me that I would feel like I’m having a heart attack 24/7 for the last week of the month, in which case message received (albeit belatedly).
Twin Fantasy (Face to Face) Album of the Year.
It has come to my attention that you have officially received your invitation to the 90th Academy Awards ceremony at the Dolby Theatre, March 4th. First, let me congratulate you. I know a lot of people who directed their combined cosmic energy in support of your nomination and win, and I can only assume you yourself expended some of your undoubtedly expansive cosmic energy in that direction as well. This is a big deal! Congrats!
Now, of course, the question of how to present yourself at the awards arises. Mr. Stevens, you are well-known for your eclectic style, whether that be musically or… well, let’s just say visually. I’m sure you’ve been mulling over this conundrum yourself! Do you go for the classic “recently-brought-to-life animatronic petting zoo museum dummy” look, or perhaps something with more feathers? You are a man of many talents, Mr. Stevens! What aspect should you present here, in front of the eyes of the cinematic public? Which of your many hats should you don, either figuratively or literally, as it may be?
What follows is a few of my ideas as to how you may best translate some of your best selves in preparation for thanking the Academy.
Again a weird month, half here, half somewhere else. Twice over the past two months have I been getting on a plane and referred to it as “flying home,” despite the fact that the trips were headed in the complete opposite directions from each other.
But regardless, January, starting over, new beginnings, etc., etc.. I don’t feel so much like I’ve changed in the crossover between months. The main change has been that I got a new laptop battery for the first time since I got it in 2013 and wow, is it nice.
Anyway, pre-order Twin Fantasy, the world’s best gay ass record and already the highlight of February, online now.
Since September I have seen the following lookalikes:
- Stanley Tucci in a big black hat with a fake beard and small round glasses
- Two “classic nerd” guys I knew in high school, one of which had a classic evil twin goatee
- A slightly longer haired Pat Cassels (formerly of College Humor and now Full Frontal with Samantha Bee) wearing a suit, which made it hard to ID him at first
- A guy on the train who looked like my high school Spanish teacher, but not the cool one everyone liked, the annoying perky one
- Ally Sheedy but she had red hair in this long bob that totally worked for her (Ally Sheedy if you’re reading this I love you also I am free this Friday if you would like to hang out Ally Sheedy)